For those of you that know me well enough, you know that most of the time I only have one gear and that is “go”. My motto for most of my life has been, “I will get enough sleep when I’m dead.” The fact of the matter is, I don’t know how to slow down. I will always have one gear, and it will always be set on “go.” I mean, let’s be real here, my “downtime” is spent in one of two ways: 1) either I am running/starting a new business or 2) I am working outside (farming, gardening, or some other such thing.)
My time and energy is devoted to so many things, I almost need a personal assistant to just keep my head on straight, lol.
But, as much as my gear is stuck in “go”, I am also a realist. It took a long time for me to realize that I can’t do everything, all the time. Ok, being honest here… I still suck at this, horribly. Let’s just say I have a “Superman” complex. You know… able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, etc, etc, etc. I’m not perfect, by any stretch of the means (and I’m definitely not Superman), but I’m always the one to get the job done.
Oh yeah, and my other motto is, “If you want it done right (or at least how you want it done), do it yourself.”
When I was younger, I believed I would never live to see much past 40, and I lived my life that way too. I spent quite a bit of time partying, drinking, smoking, fighting… you name it. I have fought addictions to booze, mixed sleep aids with alcohol, fought hallucinations and talked with ghosts of people that were long dead. I suffer from PTSD. There are things that I’ve done that I am proud of, and things I’ve done that I am not so proud of. All of that, and yet, I am still standing. I’m still stuck in “go”.
Maybe I am stuck in “go” because of all that, or maybe it is my genetic imprint, who knows?
Now, here I am, every year I grow closer and closer to being in my mid-40’s. I have children and two grandchildren. I will always still try to do everything… all the time… but I have to realize that I need to do it at my own pace. I have to realize that nothing is so important, that it can’t wait just a little bit longer to get done. I have to realize that work can wait until tomorrow, after all, it will still be there. Don’t get me wrong, it is still a struggle not to try and fit everything in… but I am working on it… a little more each day.
Just like work, this blog will be here tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day… so on and so forth. I have a tendency to write quick, I don’t edit…ever. What is posted by me, is an initial dump, from my mind to the screen, to the “Publish” button. But, now, as I’m sure you have noticed, the time has come to slow down some.
I will still be posting on this blog and have no intention on pulling it down, like I have other blogs in the past. However, for right now, I am just going to be reading and commenting. When the inspiration strikes, I will write some more. Right now, I need to work through several things. I need to slow down, to breathe, and see what happens.
Thank you for listening (reading) to my carrying on, and thank you for the encouragement and support that I receive from fellow readers/writers/bloggers.
©AC Elliott, 18-Jan-18