Surrender

Succumb to your needs,
give in to your desires,
knowing that, at his feet,
is where you’re meant to be.
His to protect.
His to guide.
His to love.
Surrender, because you know
you are His and He is yours.
~~~~
©AC Elliott, 14-Jul-18

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Soft Serve Ice Cream

Have you ever had soft serve ice cream? I’m sure you know the kind I am talking about. There is a machine in a restaurant with three little levers on it, side-by-side. The lever on the left serves vanilla, the one on the right serves chocolate and the center is a swirl of the two together. It comes out slowly, softly, spiraling as you turn either your cup or your cone until you have your sweet treat.

I was reading lil’Rabbit’s post the other day, and the analogy of swirled, soft serve ice cream came to mind. I don’t know, perhaps I was just craving something sweet on my tongue, lol. But, the analogy seemed to fit how I was feeling…

“…as to my opinion, vanilla and kink are a part of everyday life in the lifestyle. It’s like those soft serve cones, where the chocolate and vanilla are mixed. Both touch one another and taste good, either together or separate.”

Although, it would be nice to aspire to be in a 24×7 BDSM lifestyle, let’s face it…life gets in the way. Not only does life get in the way, it is all intricately connected. Vanilla and kink. You can’t have one without the other, and each touch upon the other in some way. In fact, there are times that you need to focus more on the vanilla (or the normalcy of life). Why? There are multiple reasons. (Keep in mind, these are just my opinions and you may/may not agree with them. That is OK too.)

First off, there needs to be a healthy balance in life. Too much of one creates an imbalance. Even when something is good for you, too much of it can be unhealthy. For example, water is obviously good for you, we need water intake daily and we’re made up of primarily…water. At the same time, too much water in one sitting can lead to water intoxication (which can be fatal). The same can be said (although hopefully not fatal) of vanilla and kink. Too much creates an imbalance, whether mentally or physically.

Secondly, sometimes we need to do vanilla “stuff” in order to appreciate what we have. It allows us to remember the reason we are who we are, it gives us a break physically (if we need it) and mentally as well. It allows us to look at our significant others with a fresh outlook and appreciation.

Lastly, everyone is different, as are their needs. Sometimes…we just need a little normalcy in our lives, a little vanilla. After all, when you look at ice cream…vanilla is the base for most of them to begin with.

I guess I am just in one of those rare moods this week and looking to share my thoughts. Anyways, thank you lil’Rabbit for bringing that analogy to mind. It’s always good when I am made to think a little bit.

Take care,

AC Elliott, 12-Jul-18

On Servitude

Recently I was asked to share my thoughts on “Servitude”. At first, I was a bit hesitant to broach this subject, because I have strong feelings about the topic and I didn’t want to come off as judgmental. On top of that, I was challenged to write this as a prose piece, over a poetic piece. Which, honestly, made me even more hesitant. However, I also realized that I was being pushed, that my requester had their reasons behind asking me to write my thoughts out in prose (rather than poetry). I respect that, and so…here you go:

~~~~

What is “Servitude”?

Not that I didn’t know what the term meant. However, in preparation for this, I decided to look up the actual definition of “Servitude” and found multiple definitions. These are the two that chose to go with:

1. a condition in which an individual lacks liberty, especially to determine his or her course of action or way of life; specifically: the state of being a slave.

  1. the state of being a slave or completely subject to someone more powerful.

synonyms: slavery, enslavement, bondage, subjugation, subjection, domination

Hmmm…right out of the gates a negative tone has been set. Slavery, enslavement… those are two major trigger words to insight a riot, especially in today’s culture and climate. All I could see was the negative connotation behind the words. Slavery…as in the shackling of a person’s free will? That is unheard of and not a part of my vocabulary. At the same time, I began thinking about the concept of servitude, separate from the concept of slavery.

Now, please keep in mind… I am not a Master. I do not ascribe to the label of Master, nor the dynamic of Master/slave. Also, none of this is meant to attack anyone that does practice that lifestyle either. To each their own, and whatever suits their needs…well, is what suits their needs. I’m not here to judge or be judgmental. I say all that, to explain that I approach the idea of “servitude” differently.

The question at hand is… what is “servitude” in the BDSM lifestyle? I’ve seen it further defined as “performing personal tasks for their dominant partner, as part of their submissive role in a BDSM relationship.” Therefore, servitude isn’t limited to the M/s lifestyle. Instead, you will find it throughout the various lifestyles, regardless of whatever label you choose to claim (although, I believe we are each more than just a label, but that is a topic for another day).

Just as each submissive and each Dominant are different, so are their needs. Unless they are strictly bedroom submissives limiting their activities mainly to play, many (and perhaps most) submissives have the basic need to serve. That is one of the things that makes them submissive to begin with. They derive pleasure and satisfaction from serving their Dominant in some way, shape or form. Failure to please their dominant in whatever ‘personal task’ he/she is to complete, has an emotional impact on them (even beyond the punishment aspect of BDSM).

So, what does servitude look like to me?

To me, it flows both ways and is only achievable through communication of one’s needs. I believe that the best Doms should have a servant’s heart. I know what you’re thinking… “what are you talking about!? A Dom with a servant’s heart…” Follow along with me. The Dominant should always be aware of the submissive’s needs, and be working to meet their submissive’s needs. Just as the submissive should be working to meet the Dominant’s needs. This isn’t a one-way street. The Dominant isn’t the only one whose needs are to be met. If that is the case, the relationship will crumble and fall apart. That being said, the Dominant should always be serving (hence the servant’s heart) the submissive’s needs, by being aware of what those needs are and meeting them.

Meeting the submissive’s needs for servitude can be achieved in multiple different ways. For example, this can be done through giving “tasks”, or by setting expectations (for something more long-term arrangement). Let me just say, I don’t believe in giving tasks just for the purpose of giving tasks. Whatever is asked, should be done to benefit and build the sub, and/or to meet their needs. Anything else is just a waste of time and nothing more than rote punishment for doing nothing wrong.

Likewise, she should be working to meet my needs, whatever they may be at the time. Most of those kinds of things can be worked out, especially in a long-term, permanent arrangement. Whether it be ironing shirts, pouring a drink, rubbing of shoulders, cooking supper…you name it… every need is different. Here’s the thing though, I don’t want a submissive to do it just because I gave it to her as a task to complete…or else. I want them to do it because they want to do it for me, because they know in return I am working to take care of them and to meet their needs as well. If that makes any sense?

As for me, personally, I need a submissive that will push me, and challenge me. No, not in a bratty way. (Although, don’t get me wrong, that can be fun too.) I’m talking about intellectually. I’m talking about seeing what my needs are instinctively, and serving me, because she knows…that’s what I need.

Well, this has been a fun exercise, and while you may or may not agree with what I have said…I hope I have either enlightened you, or made you think, in some way.

Take care,

AC Elliott, 11-Jul-18