Slowing Down

For those of you that know me well enough, you know that most of the time I only have one gear and that is “go”.  My motto for most of my life has been, “I will get enough sleep when I’m dead.”  The fact of the matter is, I don’t know how to slow down.  I will always have one gear, and it will always be set on “go.”  I mean, let’s be real here, my “downtime” is spent in one of two ways: 1) either I am running/starting a new business or 2) I am working outside (farming, gardening, or some other such thing.)

My time and energy is devoted to so many things, I almost need a personal assistant to just keep my head on straight, lol.

But, as much as my gear is stuck in “go”, I am also a realist.  It took a long time for me to realize that I can’t do everything, all the time.  Ok, being honest here… I still suck at this, horribly.  Let’s just say I have a “Superman” complex.  You know… able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, etc, etc, etc.  I’m not perfect, by any stretch of the means (and I’m definitely not Superman), but I’m always the one to get the job done.

Oh yeah, and my other motto is, “If you want it done right (or at least how you want it done), do it yourself.”

When I was younger, I believed I would never live to see much past 40, and I lived my life that way too.  I spent quite a bit of time partying, drinking, smoking, fighting… you name it.  I have fought addictions to booze, mixed sleep aids with alcohol, fought hallucinations and talked with ghosts of people that were long dead.  I suffer from PTSD.  There are things that I’ve done that I am proud of, and things I’ve done that I am not so proud of.  All of that, and yet, I am still standing.  I’m still stuck in “go”.

Maybe I am stuck in “go” because of all that, or maybe it is my genetic imprint, who knows?

Now, here I am, every year I grow closer and closer to being in my mid-40’s.  I have children and two grandchildren.  I will always still try to do everything… all the time… but I have to realize that I need to do it at my own pace.  I have to realize that nothing is so important, that it can’t wait just a little bit longer to get done.  I have to realize that work can wait until tomorrow, after all, it will still be there.  Don’t get me wrong, it is still a struggle not to try and fit everything in… but I am working on it… a little more each day.

Just like work, this blog will be here tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day… so on and so forth.  I have a tendency to write quick, I don’t edit…ever.  What is posted by me, is an initial dump, from my mind to the screen, to the “Publish” button.  But, now, as I’m sure you have noticed, the time has come to slow down some.

I will still be posting on this blog and have no intention on pulling it down, like I have other blogs in the past.  However, for right now, I am just going to be reading and commenting.  When the inspiration strikes, I will write some more.  Right now, I need to work through several things.  I need to slow down, to breathe, and see what happens.

Thank you for listening (reading) to my carrying on, and thank you for the encouragement and support that I receive from fellow readers/writers/bloggers.

©AC Elliott, 18-Jan-18

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Sleep Beckons Me

Sleep beckons me
like a mistress crooking her finger
urging me to step closer
into her waiting embrace.
It is in that embrace
that I succumb to my darkness
letting it run rampant
like a sky void of all light
where not even a star
twinkles
to light the way.

Sleep beckons me
like a mistress, waiting
to embrace me
and accept the darkness
within.
~~~
© AC Elliott, 5-Dec-2017

Essence #64

Settle in to the deep
recesses of my mind,
pull up a pillow
and lay there,
bask in the light,
use my darkness,
wrap it around you
like a blanket.
Lose yourself in me
and let yourself go,
finding comfort and security
in knowing that it is me
holding you.
~~~~
©AC Elliott, 16 Nov 2017

Walking Along (The Road of Dreams)

I walk along the road of dreams
bare feet afloat on clouds and steam
that wiggle between my toes
and tickle the flesh that’s exposed

Clouds that are wisps of dreams to come
and wisps of dreams left undone
filled with hopes, wishes and desires
that haunt me in the midnight hours

If I could pluck just one and make it true
it would be the dream I shared with you.
But, alas, this is nothing but a dream
and nothing is ever what it seems

I try to avoid the dark clouds
where thunder rings, sharp and loud
But, in my path they’re firmly lodged
and there’s far too many to dodge

Interspersed in the dark is white
where relief is found from the fright
caused by nightmares that seem so real
like lightning striking my bare heels

If I could pluck just one and make it true
it would be the dream I shared with you.
But, alas, this is nothing but a dream
and nothing is ever what it seems

Precariously stepping on a ledge
my footfalls teeter on the edge
where I know not what waits below
and I’m not so sure I want to know

I look out into the unknown
of the road that I must face alone
hoping that sweet dreams will prevail
along this largely darkened trail

But, alas, this is nothing but a dream
and nothing is ever what it seems.
~~~~
© AC Elliott, 2016

The Perfect Sacrifice

She lays there bound, ready,
naked, exposed and on display,
with her soft curves rising and falling
in time to her breathing.
I can hear her whimpers,
watching as her lips move
while she is begging, pleading
to be taken, used and marked.

She lays there bound and ready,
for my hungry eyes to roam,
my fingers to explore,
my mouth to devour,
my cock to fill,
my hands to mark her,
lead her and guide her
into the abyss she desires.

She lays there on the altar
bound and ready,
the perfect sacrifice,
serving as an offering
for my inner beast
and He is pleased.
~~~~
© AC Elliott, 6-Nov-17

Written using Free Verse poetry form.

Would You Surrender?(A Mondo)

Would you surrender
and taking my offered hand
walk with me in the darkness?
~~~
© AC Elliott, 5 Nov 17

~~~

I wrote a Mondo back in August, and enjoyed it so much, I thought I would try another. I’m curious to see if any are willing to partake with a response. For this one, I chose to use the 5-7-7 syllable pattern.

A Mondo is essentially a question/answer poetry between two people. Typically it follows a Zen like pattern, where the “student” is taking the understanding from nature. In this case, I strayed from the norm (somewhat).

The Mondo is:

-written by 2 separate poets, one asking, one answering.
-2 stanzas of 3 lines each, 19 syllables or less, often 5-7-7, sometime 5-7-5 is used for each stanza. The first stanza is the question, the 2nd is the response.
-written in the spirit of Zen, responsive through meditation and observation of natural surroundings.